And Now For Something Completely Different

Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

- Customer

Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

- Owner

"VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

- Customer

No no! 'E's pining!

- Owner

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

- Customer

I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

- Hungarian

What?

- Tobacconist

I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

- Hungarian

No, no, this is a tobacconist.

- Tobacconist

Ah! I will not buy this tobacconist, *it* is scratched!

- Hungarian

Now, I would just like to point out that this film is displaying a distinct tendency to become SILLY. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do... except, perhaps my wife... and some of her friends. Oh, yes, and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it, most people like a good laugh more than I do, but that's beside the point! I'm warning this film NOT to get SILLY again! Right!

- Sergeant-Major

Right! Stop that! It's SILLY. Very SILLY indeed! Started off as a nice little idea about old ladies attacking young men, but now it's just got SILLY! His hair's too long for a vicar, too, and you can tell those are not proper keep-left signs! CLEAR OUT, THE LOT OF YOU!

- Sergeant-Major

You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards! Look what you've done to him! He's worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is, and you come in with your petty feeble quibbling and you grind him into the dirt, this fine, honorable man, whose boots you are not worthy to kiss! Oh... it makes me mad...

- Mungo the Cook

Mad! Stark, stirring... MAD!

- Mungo the Cook